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\n\tBe kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.<\/em> Those words, from Ephesians 4:32, aren\u2019t in the form of a suggestion; they\u2019re a command. We can<\/em> be kind\u2014not because someone deserves it but because of what Christ did for each of us on the Cross. Ian Maclaren said, Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle<\/em>. That hard battle<\/em> is evident when people are rude, impatient, or unkind\u2014acting like bullies rather than being compassionate.<\/p>\n Now is the perfect time to develop new strategies for dealing with bullies, especially when they take out their pandemic frustration on people they know\u2014or on strangers. Dr. Elizabeth Bernstein defines a bully as \u201csomeone who tries to intimidate another person, often repeatedly, whom he or she sees as weak or vulnerable.\u201d Dealing with a pandemic\u2019s \u201cconstant fear and anxiety fuel anger\u2026 less face-to-face communication\u2026 decreases empathy, while anonymity\u2014or the illusion of it\u2014makes it easier to misbehave,\u201d adds Bernstein. But God hasn\u2019t changed; as Christians, we don\u2019t need to be defined by others\u2019 behaviors! Ephesians 5:8-10 shows us how to live as children of light instead of darkness. <\/p>\n In psychology, the traits of psychopathy, narcissism, and Machiavellianism are commonly referred to as the Dark Triad. With the addition of sadism, the triad has morphed into a quartet known as the Dark Tetrad.<\/strong> Behind closed doors and even out in public (where, masked, we\u2019re no longer able to see each other\u2019s faces), the Dark Tetrad\u2019s troubling traits steadily erode kindness. Are you being bullied by a member of this dreadful quartet?<\/p>\n The psychopath<\/strong> lacks a conscience and doesn\u2019t care who is hurt by his or her own selfish behavior. The psychopath\u2019s lack of empathy can leave others feeling confused\u2014or crazy, since the psychopath cunningly blames them for what he or she does. Created in the image of God, you do not have to tolerate being steadily destroyed. For help, please read Leslie Vernick\u2019s The Emotionally Destructive Relationship.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n Machiavellianism <\/strong>includes a person continually (with great charm and finesse) manipulating others for selfish gain. Ever since the 1500s, when Niccol\u00f2 Machiavelli promoted the concept that \u201cthe end justifies the means,\u201d Machiavellians’ adherents believe they have the right to be right. Proverbs 11:13 offers an antidote: \u201cA gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret.\u201d Be the person who is trustworthy, humble, and kind, doing to others as you would have them do to you.<\/p>\n Narcissists<\/strong> feel they\u2019re actually much better than others, and their needs are the only ones that matter. In When Narcissism Comes to Church: Healing Your Community from Emotional and Spiritual Abuse,<\/em> Dr. Chuck DeGroat says, \u201cNarcissists do not feel like the world is safe. They might not say it aloud, but this is their inner experience\u2026the shadow dance of a narcissist is a dance of radical avoidance of anything that threatens his grandiosity, his control, his certainty.\u201d The narcissist\u2019s deep internal pain wraps others in its tentacles of rage, shame, or fear. Healing can happen, but both the narcissist and those in his or her life will likely need extended help before that occurs.<\/p>\n The sadist<\/strong> takes pleasure in inflicting pain on others. If you watch carefully, you might notice sadists exhibiting a hint of a smile when your body language shows you\u2019ve been hurt, frightened, or upset by their cruel words or behaviors. Those living or working with sadists often feel helpless and overwhelmed. It\u2019s important to learn how to place clear boundaries\u2014spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical limits\u2014 between you and the sadist so you can not merely survive but thrive. <\/p>\n If you\u2019re living with someone who exhibits the Dark Tetrad\u2019s abusive behaviors, it\u2019s safer and wiser to be kind than \u201cnice.\u201d Nice<\/em> tries to placate bullies, but appeasement only increases their sense of power and control. Since abuse is never OK, being kind includes setting loving limits, respecting yourself, and experiencing the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control <\/em>(Galatians 5:22-23<\/strong>).<\/p>\n To learn how to a) love an abusive person without opening yourself up to more damage and b) provide realistic consequences for bad behavior without succumbing to hate or revenge, you could read Bold Love<\/em><\/strong> by Dr. Dan B. Allender and Dr. Tramper Longman III (NavPress).<\/p>\n Instead of living in the pandemic\u2019s fear-driven anger, confusion, anxiety or depression, we need to know who we are in Christ. He never changes! You can discover hundreds of verses in the Bible that will help you understand God\u2019s kindness and unfailing love. When we know who He is and who we are in Him, our attitudes and actions are transformed by God\u2019s lovingkindness! In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins<\/em><\/strong>. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another<\/strong><\/em> (1 John 4:12, ESV).<\/strong><\/p>\n Please share this blog on social media and invite your friends to subscribe at the link below.<\/p>\n Thank you! I appreciate YOUR kindness!<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\t\t\n\t\tSubscribe on YouTube\n\t\t<\/a>\n\t<\/h2>\n\t