{"id":604,"date":"2021-04-16T13:22:43","date_gmt":"2021-04-16T13:22:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/corehealingfromtrauma.com\/?p=604"},"modified":"2021-04-16T16:20:14","modified_gmt":"2021-04-16T16:20:14","slug":"a-return-to-civility","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/corehealingfromtrauma.com\/index.php\/2021\/04\/16\/a-return-to-civility\/","title":{"rendered":"A Return to Civility"},"content":{"rendered":"

\n\t\tA Return to Civility\n\t<\/h2>\n

\n\t\tMarti Wibbels, MS, LMHC\n\t<\/h4>\n\t\t\t\t\"Hands\"\n\t

The Bible says, Be kind to one another tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you<\/em> (Ephesians 4:32, ESV). 1 Thessalonians 5:15 explains: See that no one repays evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to everyone. <\/em><\/p>\n

In this challenging \u201cseason\u201d<\/strong> of covid, political unrest, and discontent, how can we always<\/em> do good?<\/strong> 1 Thessalonians 5:16-19 says, Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Do not quench the Spirit. <\/em>It\u2019s a choice to live as the Spirit desires. And, living in God\u2019s design can free us from all sorts of things, from bitterness, frustration, continually being offended and hurt, to living in worry, fear, helplessness, or insecurity.<\/p>\n

Galatians<\/strong> 5:19-21 (TPT) provides<\/strong> a clear method to identify<\/strong> when we\u2019re not walking in God\u2019s design<\/strong>: The cravings of the self-life are obvious: Sexual immorality, lustful thoughts, pornography, chasing after things instead of God, manipulating others, hatred of those who get in your way, senseless arguments, resentment when others are favored, temper tantrums, angry quarrels, only thinking of yourself, being in love with your own opinions, being envious of the blessings of others, murder, uncontrolled addictions, wild parties, and all other similar behavior.<\/em><\/p>\n

Whenever we allow our flesh to direct our lives instead of living in the Holy Spirit\u2019s loving power, we\u2019ll exhibit some aspect of Galatians 5:19-21. To move beyond jealousy, senseless arguments, hatred, etc., <\/strong>we can allow the Holy Spirit to control and empower our lives.<\/strong> Like breathing, this choice needs to be repeated <\/strong>any time we go back to the cruel dominance of our flesh.<\/strong> Galatians 5:22-23 (TPT) describes how the Holy Spirit transforms us<\/strong> when we yield to God\u2019s gracious control<\/strong>: But the fruit produced by the Holy Spirit within you is divine love in all its varied expressions: joy that overflows, peace that subdues, patience that endures, kindness in action, a life full of virtue, faith that prevails, gentleness of heart, and strength of the spirit.<\/em><\/p>\n

Drs. John and Julie Gottman talk about replacing conflict with kindness by recognizing the relational Four Horsemen<\/strong> and using antidotes<\/strong> to stop their destructive power.<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. The first Horseman is Criticism, <\/strong>and its antidote <\/strong>is a Gentle Start Up.<\/strong> Instead of being critical and negative, we can state our concerns with kindness, asking for the other person\u2019s help rather than condemning his or her words or actions.<\/li>\n
  2. The second deadly horseman is Defensiveness, <\/strong>and its antidote is Taking<\/strong> Responsibility<\/strong>. Listen to each other\u2019s concerns. Take responsibility for your words and actions rather than trying to prove you\u2019re right.<\/li>\n
  3. The deadliest horseman is Contempt <\/strong>(treating another person as \u201cless than\u201d); its antidote <\/strong>is Building a Culture of Appreciation.<\/strong> We can choose to look for positive qualities in one another.<\/li>\n
  4. Stonewalling<\/strong> (ignoring others, refusing to talk) can be avoided when each person practices Physiological Self-Soothing.<\/strong> To learn how to do this, you can go to www.pbcounseling.com, click on the Resources link, and read the \u201cManaging Anxiety\u201d article, which includes specific grounding exercises to help manage emotional dysregulation.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    We\u2019ll return to civility\u2014doing good to one another and treating each other with kindness\u2014when we yield our lives to the loving control of the One who is LOVE.<\/p>\n

    \n

    For practical application, you can work through Core Healing from Trauma,<\/em><\/strong> a biblical counseling workbook for individuals or groups, available on Amazon<\/a>. To reduce the impact of trauma, you can also watch Strengthening Your Core<\/em><\/strong>, my 12 – video series on YouTube<\/a>.<\/p>\n

    \n\t\t\n\t\tSubscribe on YouTube\n\t\t<\/a>\n\t<\/h2>\n\t

    \u00a9 2019 Marti Wibbels | website loved on by Agency O<\/a><\/p>\n

     <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    A Return to Civility Marti Wibbels, MS, LMHC The Bible says, Be kind to one another tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you (Ephesians 4:32, ESV). 1 Thessalonians 5:15 explains: See that no one repays evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to everyone. In this…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"tpl-full-width.php","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"post_mailing_queue_ids":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/corehealingfromtrauma.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/604"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/corehealingfromtrauma.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/corehealingfromtrauma.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/corehealingfromtrauma.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/corehealingfromtrauma.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=604"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/corehealingfromtrauma.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/604\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":613,"href":"https:\/\/corehealingfromtrauma.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/604\/revisions\/613"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/corehealingfromtrauma.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=604"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/corehealingfromtrauma.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=604"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/corehealingfromtrauma.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=604"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}